Saturday, September 19, 2009

A "Dear John" Letter to my Bissell Vacuum

Dear Bissell Vacuum,

I cannot believe that the time has come for me to write this letter. When we began our relationship three years ago, I fell in love with you immediately and never dreamed that one day my feelings would change. Unfortunately, they have. I am saddened to tell you that it is time for us to part ways.

I will carry with me wonderful memories of the good times we have spent together. One of the things I loved best about you was how you were able to completely clean all of Tony's cat hair off the couch and loveseat. Nobody did that better than you. I always knew that you'd make sure no hair was left behind so that Ian's allergies wouldn't suffer. Another thing that loved about you was that you were so gentle with my hardwood floors, yet so powerful at cleaning up the dirt and tiny pebbles left behind after Ian's outdoor adventures. I will miss that about you.

I knew our relationship was beginning to fail when you wouldn't keep your hose attached, even after I tightly reattached it many times. It was very frustrating for me to have to re-vacuum areas of the floor because your suction would stop once the hose came off. Then your belt broke, and I replaced it, only for it to break again after just a couple of uses. The final straw in our already weakening relationship came, however, when you started spewing dirt and debris back out at me. That was just too much for me to handle. That was just insulting.

As much as I once loved you, you just don't do it for me anymore. I need to find a new vacuum- one that will help keep my family healthy and my floors clean.

I wish you a good life- wherever you end up.


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